I don’t have tangible examples right now… probably because there’s been too much of them happening, lately. The last straw was one of my friends posting something ridiculous on his Facebook, about how “most women” are pushovers seeking abusive relationships. I was just… blown away by how ignorant that was. Mostly because if someone, anyone, is seeking out abusive relationships, shouldn’t we feel more sympathetic and try to help them? I could go on and on about this (most about how this happens to everyone, gender be dammed) but I digress.
I know he was joking around and that he’s not actually a sexist in practice (he’s actually an awesome, respectful guy in person, which is why I found this all the more baffling)… but what passes for “humor” these days leaves me not only sadly disappointed, but also enraged to the point where I feel trapped in my own skin. I mean, even my boyfriend, who is the most respectful, wonderful guy in the whole world made a comment, after we were cut off while driving, about how he hates “women who drive big SUVS who think they’re the Queens of the road”. And I was like “you know MEN do that too, right???” He agreed wholeheartedly of course (and please note: he is the most wonderful, considerate, intelligent and respectful boyfriend I have ever had). It was a little thing, but there was just something about that statement… it indicated to me that even the LEAST disrespectful people I know, like my friends, my loved ones, etc… the people I trust, and hell even MYSELF, are guilty of unconscious sexist behavior.
In both those cases…these impulses to categorize based on gender are just SO engraved in our inner dialogues, tangled in our most ingrained behaviors. I can even remember times when I made statements to the effect of “Well, you know how girls are” about certain stereotypes and such. I also used to generalize quite a bit about men too, in my youth, something I’ve adamantly worked at correcting, because it goes both ways.
I also quite dislike it when people attribute my social successes to my physicality too, like when I tell stories about how I got something for free, or had a nice conversation with any kind of official (cop or otherwise)…. I’ve had some people assume that the positive aspects of these interactions were all because I have pretty blue eyes and tits. I mean, there are reasons for them to assume this, because it happens (which is also very disappointing, and I actually quite dislike women who abuse this), but just ONCE I’d love to assume that people can be nice for no other reason than to be nice. MY BOOBS AREN’T EVEN THAT GREAT ANYWAY.
Anyway. I’ve no real argument here. I’m just so tired, lately, of fighting this invisible battle with invisible foes, and ending up seeming like the crazy one for pointing out there’s still a conflict. I’m tired of correcting people constantly, and getting the “Ok there, settle down you crazy militant” eyebrow even though all I’m trying to do is make people aware of what they’re saying. IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. I’m not trying to pit genders against each other. I’m not trying to be better than anyone else. I’m just trying to make a point about how we should change our dialogue, in a way that’s not aggressive, even if it’s “just a joke”… because words are powerful. I just get SO tired of being a woman sometimes, existentially. It’s always this uphill battle, and I’m sorry, but there’s no feasible way for men to understand this sometimes, even though I do not at ALL resent them for it. What gets me most, is that there’s this feeling that just because I don’t live in an extremist religious country or the Third World, I should feel “grateful” and not complain about my status, because women are so “free” here. Free to be paid less, to be regarded as feminazis for NOT liking Cosmo, free to feel VASTLY uncomfortable on sites like Reddit which I like for the geek humor, but hate for the ingrained misogyny in an alarming number of posts, to be seen as nuts by MY OWN FELLOW LADIES for apparently imagining conflict where there is none. That’s some insidious bullshit, I’ll tell you what.
I make it my business to try not to exaggerate, either. No one likes a Michael Moore on any issue. I always try to first analyze a situation my gut reacts to, and parse out whether or not I am right to react in a particular way and so far, despite all that, all I can conclude is that the problems are still very real insofar as discrimination, by both men and women. But hey, I’m sorry for being so vague and irrational.. MUST BE ALL THAT OVARIAN HYSTERIA. Actually, it’s just that I’ve faced a lot of VERY subtle situations of sexism lately, where the discomfort was overwhelming, but where to point the finger wasn’t too clear.
I’m just… I’m spent these days. I can’t believe there are those who STILL don’t consider women equals. It makes me feel trapped in my own skin. I can’t believe there are women who think ALL men are monsters. I can’t believe people and I’m tired, today, without valid argument.
Essentially I guess I’m trying to say that YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS AND MY HATRED FOR HUMANITY IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH TODAY