Sexist bullshit everywhere

I don’t have tangible examples right now… probably because there’s been too much of them happening, lately. The last straw was one of my friends posting something ridiculous on his Facebook, about how “most women” are pushovers seeking abusive relationships. I was just… blown away by how ignorant that was. Mostly because if someone, anyone, is seeking out abusive relationships, shouldn’t we feel more sympathetic and try to help them? I could go on and on about this (most about how this happens to everyone, gender be dammed) but I digress.

I know he was joking around and that he’s not actually a sexist in practice (he’s actually an awesome, respectful guy in person, which is why I found this all the more baffling)… but what passes for “humor” these days leaves me not only sadly disappointed, but also enraged to the point where I feel trapped in my own skin. I mean, even my boyfriend, who is the most respectful, wonderful guy in the whole world made a comment, after we were cut off while driving, about how he hates “women who drive big SUVS who think they’re the Queens of the road”. And I was like “you know MEN do that too, right???” He agreed wholeheartedly of course (and please note: he is the most wonderful, considerate, intelligent and respectful boyfriend I have ever had). It was a little thing, but there was just something about that statement… it indicated to me that even the LEAST disrespectful people I know, like my friends, my loved ones, etc… the people I trust, and hell even MYSELF, are guilty of unconscious sexist behavior.

In both those cases…these impulses to categorize based on gender are just  SO engraved in our inner dialogues, tangled in our most ingrained behaviors. I can even remember times when I made statements to the effect of “Well, you know how girls are” about certain stereotypes and such. I also used to generalize quite a bit about men too, in my youth, something I’ve adamantly worked at correcting, because it goes both ways.

I also quite dislike it when people attribute my social successes to my physicality too, like when I tell stories about how I got something for free, or had a nice conversation with any kind of official (cop or otherwise)…. I’ve had some people assume that the positive aspects of these interactions were all because I have pretty blue eyes and tits. I mean, there are reasons for them to assume this, because it happens (which is also very disappointing, and I actually quite dislike women who abuse this), but just ONCE I’d love to assume that people can be nice for no other reason than to be nice.  MY BOOBS AREN’T EVEN THAT GREAT ANYWAY.

Anyway. I’ve no real argument here. I’m just so tired, lately, of fighting this invisible battle with invisible foes, and ending up seeming like the crazy one for pointing out there’s still a conflict. I’m tired of correcting people constantly, and getting the “Ok there, settle down you crazy militant” eyebrow even though all I’m trying to do is make people aware of what they’re saying. IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. I’m not trying to pit genders against each other. I’m not trying to be better than anyone else. I’m just trying to make a point about how we should change our dialogue, in a way that’s not aggressive, even if it’s “just a joke”… because words are powerful. I just get SO tired of being a woman sometimes, existentially. It’s always this uphill battle, and I’m sorry, but there’s no feasible way for men to understand this sometimes, even though I do not at ALL resent them for it. What gets me most, is that there’s this feeling that just because I don’t live in an extremist religious country or the Third World, I should feel “grateful” and not complain about my status, because women are so “free” here. Free to be paid less, to be regarded as feminazis for NOT liking Cosmo, free to feel VASTLY uncomfortable on sites like Reddit which I like for the geek humor, but hate for the ingrained misogyny in an alarming number of posts, to be seen as nuts by MY OWN FELLOW LADIES for apparently imagining conflict where there is none. That’s some insidious bullshit, I’ll tell you what.

I make it my business to try not to exaggerate, either. No one likes a Michael Moore on any issue. I always try to first analyze a situation my gut reacts to, and parse out whether or not I am right to react in a particular way and so far, despite all that, all I can conclude is that the problems are still very real insofar as discrimination, by both men and women. But hey, I’m sorry for being so vague and irrational.. MUST BE ALL THAT OVARIAN HYSTERIA. Actually, it’s just that I’ve faced a lot of VERY subtle situations of sexism lately, where the discomfort was overwhelming, but where to point the finger wasn’t too clear.

I’m just… I’m spent these days. I can’t believe there are those who STILL don’t consider women equals. It makes me feel trapped in my own skin. I can’t believe there are women who think ALL men are monsters. I can’t believe people and I’m tired, today, without valid argument.

I’m tired.


Sexist bullshit everywhere

17 thoughts on “Sexist bullshit everywhere

  1. I don’t think you have to live in a country where cultural practice deem women has second class citizens to experience sexism. While other people do say that women in Western countries should be happy with their freedoms (I am one of them), I also think no one should belittle or negate the experiences people live. We don’t experience religious extremism, so we can’t identify with it. I do, however, think that some women see sexism when there is none. I don’t think you are nuts, I just think we have vastly different experiences that we use to interpret things.

    Personally, I think your friend making the comment that women seeking men that are abusive might be insecure and trying to come up with reasons why women pick other men over him, regardless of whether or not he is single at the moment. I feel he is just complaining that he may not be able to get the women he wants or that those women choose men with qualities he may lack (aggression (not necessarily violence), arrogance, etc .

    As far as the behavior on Reddit and other social networking sites, a lot of that has to do with differences in the way men and women interact with their peers. Men tend to “fuck” with each other by jabbing at any perceived weakness. It is posturing/trolling.

    1. There are indeed cases where women see sexism where there isn’t any, and I try my very best not to be one of those people. I don’t seek out conflict deliberately and try to victimize myself, and very much shun those that do. That being said, I have to say that I have a particular sensitivity to gender-based insensitivity. I’m not sure why. I’ve never been abused or degraded or had any particularly bad experiences. But I think it’s BECAUSE of that fact, that people tell me I am “lucky” for this… that it makes me all the more rage-y. Like congratulations, I’m one of the few who’s made it this far without the USUAL treatment. All I’m saying is that without needlessly instigating and assuming the worst of people, there should nevertheless be higher standards of behavior and humor, I think. Sometimes I get irritated with the general lack of awareness that people have concerning the power of words, and the danger of long-standing stereotypes, even if their intent is harmless. Anyway. You’re quite right about Reddit though. Trolling is a factor for sure which I should keep in mind.

      1. I hate when people tell others that they should not care about something just because they haven’t experienced anything bad. More people should care about how other people are treated. We would live in a better world for sure. Stereotypes can definitely be harmful, but they just don’t bother me that much. I am of the mind that if you are bothered by something (especially if it is about “you”/others “like you” you must believe that it the stereotypes are true. I also figure that if someone wants to judge me without knowing anything about me, then they are the ones with the problem.

      2. I really appreciate your sort of zen-like attitude, and I’ll definitely be able to approach situations like this in a calmer way. Thank you, great perspective.

    2. autumnstrength says:

      I think you’re right about him. I used to say things like that – I’d complain that women like to go out with arrogant, cocky, assholes, but I really just lacked the confidence these men had and felt sore because my lack of confidence was the thing preventing me from attracting these women. They were probably decent blokes, but I wrote them off as cocky assholes because I was jealous.

  2. Bran MacFeabhail says:

    Sounds like guy friend is pissed he can’t get a girl and is now taking it out on all women.

    But I know how you feel. My workplace is full of subtle sexisms, and while most of the time, the thought is well placed (like not wanting a 110-lbs girl to lift heavy desks) sometimes it’s a real pain in the ass. I can’t wear a skirt without subtle comments, or friends telling me what other people say.

    Anyway, until we all learn to treat each other with respect, no matter what, and finally dispel this awful rape culture and attitude that women are around to be pleasing, we have to keep fighting the good fight, and call people out on their comments so they will rethink their views and motivations.

    1. Agreed. I guess that sometimes I might read into things too heavily… either because I’ve had enough or because I’m particularly sensitive one day. Sometimes I take innocently-meant jokes too seriously, granted. But sometimes, I just feel nuts because no one else seems to be seeing it, or getting it. So it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels these things, at times. So thank you for the confirmation that I’m not. It means more than you think. =)

      1. Bran MacFeabhail says:

        It’s cool. I live in a state of low-boiling rage. If its not one thing, it’s another. I hate to be marginalized because of my sex/gender, and hate it worse when other people are too.

  3. There are a couple of reality shows I like which follow an activity that is traditionally only performed by men. One of the reasons I like them, is that they show women doing these things with success equal to the men. On “Swamp People,” a team of women hunt alligators without the aid of men and they are every bit as tough, good, and successful as any of the teams of men. On “Top Shots,” the only woman involved this year lasted for many weeks, and she was relly good and shot the heavy guns and pulled the big bow. She did it all. On these shows, fortunately, the men have no problem with the women doinf these things and express admiration for them. I think this really good because so many men watch th those shows and it gives them the opportunity to see how competent women really can be.
    Sorry about the typos, but I’m on the Kindle and hate the touch pad!

  4. I think, like a lot of us guys, he’s just frustrated to see nice women allowing themselves be abused. He’s thinking, “why oh why doesn’t she pick a nice guy like me?”

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