I think I’ve come to realize that my biggest failing in life is that I’m horribly, horribly undisciplined. Couple that with my cushy middle-class upbringing which unfortunately provoked a preponderance for laziness and well, you have a recipe for wasted-potential-disaster.
30 is just around the bend. I’ve not accomplished any of my life goals.
Now, I realize it’s in the small things. Not putting in that ONE hour of drawing that I could do, every night, and playing a videogame instead.
Not writing down all my ideas. Napping. Getting discouraged on projects before I start them.
I have so many wonderful ideas at work, during those precious few hours of energy I have in the daytime… which I am forced to apply towards menial tasks in a field I hate.
But then, even during my days off, I don’t apply myself. On the odd days that I AM super motivated, I KNOW what I’m capable of. I’ve seen it. But those days are few and far between, and honestly, my workflow is feeble at best.
I’m disorganized, unmotivated and undisciplined as a person. A hedonist constantly at odds with the delights and distractions of the here and now as opposed to the work which will reward me down the road.
I’ve been trying to fix this for 15 years. I don’t know that I ever will… so maybe something else I should learn is to accept failure and personal disappointment. I’m pretty good at that already, actually.