I’m not sure where to begin but I suppose I’ll start by saying that my blogs are almost never positive, so I guess I’m sorry about that. This is a place where I store my most malicious little thought bugs, to get them out of my system. 

That being said, lately… I just can’t stand my art anymore. I haven’t done anything new or different in forever. I need time and energy to invest in a new style, a new technique. I can’t stand to look at the colorful vomitus of fanart I keep doing. It’s all the same. I tried to explain my “cartoons” to someone last week… and his lack of comments (in what was, I assume, an attempt to be polite) said it all: it sucked. Cartoons won’t get me hired. 

I’m desperate for a new style. Something more refined, more mature. I need to change my technique, I need more time to practice, more time to inspiration-search. 

The factor is time. 

I have none.  So what little of it I have to devote to art, is used exhausting old techniques for lack of hours to explore. If you’re short on time, you won’t take the long, interesting route… you take the shortcuts. 

I’m trying to formulate a plan to change this… but for now, I can’t stand to look at my stuff anymore. 

I’m in a rut in all aspects of my life. I haven’t been idle. I’ve seen counselors, made more appointments at employment services and such. Am aiming to see my doctor to get some burnout leave. Because I’m grasping at straws here… and even the things I do for fun have becoming sources of self-loathing. 

I need a fucking vacation. Luckily I’m getting one in a few days, but the same old shit will be here when I get back. 

I’m so tired.

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10 thoughts on “

  1. Surely there’s something you could do with your cartoons. I guess in the meantime you could visit a few galleries, see if anything catches your fancy. Or take a break altogether. It sounds like you could stand to step away from it for awhile.

  2. I like your art, but I get what you are saying. I feel the same about my writing. I wish I could give advice on how ti find new techniques and inspiration. For me, I have to feel something to be inspired enough by an artist or anything else. When I am depressed, the inspiration is just not there. Maybe more than a vacation is needed, maybe some soul searching is called for.

  3. Bran MacFeabhail says:

    I love your comics D: but if you need a new style, or a new direction, go for it. Even if it’s just a sketch here or there, or a different kind of pencil/brush/etc..any change will take you in a new direction.

    Oburi has a right idea too though, maybe you just need a break from what you’re currently doing.

    (Idk if this is your thing, but I love Ramit Sethi’s blog http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/. Great internal scripts and timesaving techniques in there. 🙂

  4. I never have time for what I want to work on in terms of personal growth. I always tell myself I’d draw or paint more. Make some time and go to a Starbucks with some pencils, drawing book, or maybe a laptop and Wacom and work away with headphones for hours. Maybe order a nice cappuccino and be all sophisticated like. Maybe a cutie would gander over my shoulder and be impressed by my magnificent talent and we’d start up a conversation about our mutual appreciation for finery. She’d tell me about her cello talent and she’ll invite me to her apartment nearby to play for me. I would become so moved and we’d share this amazing beautiful connection that is powerful and deep and we’d feel like we’ve known each other for a lifetime even though it’s only been hours. We’d date for 6 months and then move in together into a one bedroom in a tree-covered street in Greenwich. We’d get a Golden Retriever puppy as a psuedo-trial run replacement for a baby. We’d go to Venice for vacation where I’d propose to her on one knee in a gondola as it passes slowly under a footbridge. We’d have an elaborate ceremony in a vineyard and travel for 2 months in Asia. When we get back we’d have a dinner reunion with all our friends and then we’d announce happily that we’re pregnant! It would be a beautiful 8 more months of waking up in each other’s arms with a small growing bundle of love nested between us. We’d have a girl and she will be named Abigail. 13 months later we find out we’ve got a baby boy coming our way. We take our kids to pre-school and pick them up after work. Then, when our kids are 4 and 5, I’d come home one day early and find some asshole fucking my wife in our bed and then she divorces my ass and takes half my shit.

  5. This post really resonated with me because I was kind of, sort of in the same situation earlier this year, and know exactly how you feel. That burnt out, I-hate-everything-I-do feeling was why I stopped blogging for a few months. I felt like I’d hit a wall and was simply posting crap–none of which I could stand by–for the sake of giving people something to read. And the longer I did it, the more I hated writing and myself.

    When you get to the point where you hate what you used to love, it’s time to take a break from it–but I’m sure you already knew that by now. (Honestly, I doubt I can say anything that’s going to be terribly useful because you’re a real artist with real talent, and I’m just a hobbyist who likes to write about weird sh*t.) If it’s possible, try to put enough distance between you and art while you’re on your well-deserved vacation so that the two of you can start missing each other. Yep, art is going to be like the lover you’ve seen way too much of, and need to get away from ASAP or else you’re going to turn your kitchen into a gladiator arena or a scene from one of those “Saw” movies the next time the two of you are in there together.

    Once you get that distance, two things could happen: (1) you miss your current art style and are re-inspired to create again, or (2) you meet a hot new art style who inspires you to use your body in ways you didn’t know were possible. *drool* Oh wait, I actually just thought of a third possibility: you have a threesome with current art style and hot new art style, and both of them will have to deal with whatever jealousy issues they may have because you’re a sexy b*tch who controls them, not the other way around.

    😀

  6. vnlilman says:

    i’d love to see your work. Actually I just scrolled down and saw your little pony one just now. love it. No really, I do.

      1. vnlilman says:

        Kind of like my own kids vomit? Not that I have a kid but if I did I wouldn’t be so disturbed by it. In a way some could even consider that art? Ok i’m not making any sense here, just my mind vomiting. Anyway, your work is amazing. Please don’t stop

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