I’m not sure where to begin but I suppose I’ll start by saying that my blogs are almost never positive, so I guess I’m sorry about that. This is a place where I store my most malicious little thought bugs, to get them out of my system.
That being said, lately… I just can’t stand my art anymore. I haven’t done anything new or different in forever. I need time and energy to invest in a new style, a new technique. I can’t stand to look at the colorful vomitus of fanart I keep doing. It’s all the same. I tried to explain my “cartoons” to someone last week… and his lack of comments (in what was, I assume, an attempt to be polite) said it all: it sucked. Cartoons won’t get me hired.
I’m desperate for a new style. Something more refined, more mature. I need to change my technique, I need more time to practice, more time to inspiration-search.
The factor is time.
I have none. So what little of it I have to devote to art, is used exhausting old techniques for lack of hours to explore. If you’re short on time, you won’t take the long, interesting route… you take the shortcuts.
I’m trying to formulate a plan to change this… but for now, I can’t stand to look at my stuff anymore.
I’m in a rut in all aspects of my life. I haven’t been idle. I’ve seen counselors, made more appointments at employment services and such. Am aiming to see my doctor to get some burnout leave. Because I’m grasping at straws here… and even the things I do for fun have becoming sources of self-loathing.
I need a fucking vacation. Luckily I’m getting one in a few days, but the same old shit will be here when I get back.
I’m so tired.