Slight guilt

I reopened by OKCupid account last week, but only because the boyfriend and I had a discussion and wanted to compare questions ( I never did that… turns out we’re 23% ENNEMIES bwahaha). Thing is, OkCupid doesn’t let you shut down your account again for another week, and in the meantime, seeing as I have boobs and it’s an online dating site, I’ve been getting messages. 

I read them because I’m a curious person, and it just so happens that quite a few of them are very thought-out, witty and very polite messages. Not even one “hey baby”, which is usually the bread and butter of such places. I’m obviously not interested in any of them, but I’m starting to feel guilty, and not about what you’d think. In fact, when I read these messages, it’s usually in the company of my bf. We have a very transparent relationship and it’s not a trust issue. It’s about how these guys are actually putting time and energy into their messages, and won’t get an answer from me. I almost want to answer and explain myself, since there have been 3 or 4 really well-written responses, and I actually do appreciate the effort of good writing, not to mention actually having taken the time to read my SUPER long profile. I’m debating responding, even though it won’t be in their favor. But really, do I owe a perfect stranger that much?

Because then I think it would start a conversation or something, and I’m just beyond uninterested in that sort of thing. On the other hand, I don’t like the idea of seeming like a total bitch, even towards online strangers, because most of my online friendships (from other sources mind you) are super genuine, and my policy on the internet is to treat people with as much respect as you would in real life. 

Or uhm… try to anyway. 

I probably won’t answer, but shit, I can definitely understand dudes who get frustrated on dating sites, not only because girls get WAY more messages, and because they never get answers. I don’t wanna perpetuate those stereotypes.


Slight guilt

10 thoughts on “Slight guilt

  1. Ashtshen says:

    In my experience, they’ll let go/forget someone who never responded, but if you do respond, they’ll get excited, invest even that tiny bit, and be even more let down.

  2. Bran MacFeabhail says:

    lol awesome. If you felt compelled to answer, you could always say, Hey, I really appreciate your message, but I’m currently off the market and will be shutting down my site soon. Thanks again and good luck!

    Honest and nice and not-an-internet-jerk 😀

  3. As someone who has an OKCupid account and have written long thought-out messages without getting a single reply, a simple reply explaining yourself goes a long way. Of course, you are in no way obligated to respond. I’ve gotten messages which I’ve ignored.

  4. stilettosinthemud says:

    It’s refreshing to know there are decent men still out there. I remember on Myspace I used to get bombarded by losers, then my husband sent me a message and it was nice, sincere, and polite. He got the date…and a wife. You might want to message the guys back and explain why you opened it and let them know as a woman, these types of messages are appreciated. A little encouragement to know they’re doing it right.

  5. Yes boys get no lovin. So you think long essays are Bette than short quirky messages?

    Also you can set yourself to be in a relationship and that will deter people. I’m pretty sure you can disable your account temporarily.

  6. Hey! I came here because I used to be subscribed to your xanga account (under a different name), and it’s good to see you consistently posting in a new place!

    It’s funny because this week I’ve been reading a bit of the tabloid magazine stuff (I didn’t really read them when I was in high school – pretty stuffy, deprived childhood) and about what “girls like in guys” and “guys like in girls” and it really made me thing about just how odd this whole courtship ordeal is. It’s made out to be more difficult than it is at times, and simpler than it actually is, and when dating and other shizzles gets started it’s simultaneously difficult and mind-boggling simple. Strange.

  7. vnlilman says:

    And that is why I disabled my account. From a man who tends to write thought out messages with no response, yea an explanation would be nice and understandable. Sure you don’t owe it to them but if a random stranger says hi to me even if its some homeless person begging for change, I still respond. They’re still people after all. This is just me though and i’m weird like that.

    1. Aww, I’m sorry to hear that. I actually shut down my account, and didn’t reply, I’m sorry to say. I hope I didn’t ruin other people’s impressions. I tend to respond more on blogging sites, or art sites… but now I feel worse. OH GOD I AM HORRIBLE

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