….in which I completely panic

I’m freaking out.

I found out yesterday that I’m to be the key figure in terms of communication, administrative/organizational management and upkeep of a Pan-Canadian psychiatric network initiative that my boss is spearheading.

….BUT THIS IS JUST MY DAY JOB!!!!!!!

The inner three-year old in me is looking at this mess of documents and correspondence and throwing a complete tantrum. “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I DON’T WANNA LET ME GO HOME I HATE YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH GIVE ME A COOKIE!!”

…. like yeah. Fuck my life right now.

And NO, more work doesn’t “challenge” or “excite” me. What’s wrong with you people that function like that? You feel a tingle in your special place when you hear the ding of your Outlook inbox? Like a deeply disturbing Pavlovian perversion? GO CHANGE YOUR PANTIES AND LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!! You masochistic, workaholic bastards. My boss says to me “But it’s exciting to be part of something like this, isn’t it?” Yeah, sure. YOU don’t have to be an e-mail gopher or get lung cancer from the volumes of photocopier toner you inhale. You don’t have to trudge through thousands of emails, parsing out what’s relevant. You don’t have to FIGHT with people to get their shit in on time, and always look like the incompetent asshole when (not if) they don’t. You say “key person”, I hear “fall guy”. You say “exciting”, I hear “incredibly stressful”. You say “inviting new team members” I hear “juggling giant egos”.

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT BEING A SECRETARY IS LIKE, OH MY GOD I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS ALL I WANNA DO IS DRAW COMICS GUYS REALLY

COMMENCE PANICKING